Love

Saturday 8th May, 2021

It has rained from 11.45am, a miserable gentle intrusive soaking and intruding rain. Nothing nice about it at all except that it suits my mood. I am deeply despondent about the Election results. I went to collect the Telegraph from the village and found it upsetting and dire and pompous and opinionated...by which I mean I disagree with all of it. Although not every result is in as I write I am in mild despair.

So I have eaten a large piece of cheese and sourdough bread for lunch and then an hour later as a tea I had more sourdough and cold ham. I have drunk much coffee and read a great deal.

I have turned my mind to my move away from here. Sadly I have had a difficult and dysfunctional conversation as to my moving. I am just pathetic and feel that I am a coward, hate confrontation and will do much to avoid hurt or tension. I do long to live alone out of privacy, silence and self ordering. Yet reading Rilke reminded me that many feel hardships and rough passages in life are the making of man, spirit and soul.

As one character in my book asked "When is it right to lie? When is it wrong to tell the truth?" He believed that both were human constructs. Interesting.

Love leads to crucifixion, a friend ever reminds me, and love is the ONLY point of living.