According to Rumi

Tuesday 1st December, 2020

I slept well but woke, unusually, at 6am. My stomach felt odd as if full of nervous butterflies. I turned over and imagined in prayer friends and all those who seem to need prayers and help on all levels. So for my friend being operated on today. Then my sick brother, then others who have asked for prayers and on to the hell on earth in so many parts from Yemen to Ethiopia. I had read some Rumi recently and his delight in silence then enveloped me...and I fell asleep. I woke well after 9.30am. I staggered down stairs for a mug of tea....usually I drink coffee but today tea...no food wanted. Slight dizziness so I justified returning to bed. It is early evening now. I have had the excitement of the arrival of an Amazon parcel: "Do not open until Christmas "! It is under the bed causing a huge distraction! I have been down for two mugs of tea. I stood on the terrace for fresh air. I decided to keep in my pyjamas and dressing gown and read and think and ponder and meditate and puzzle.

I grow stronger but still a slight dizziness and not from lack of food!

Rumi is next to me: 'Do you think I know what I am doing?

That for one breath or half-breath I belong to myself?

As much as a pen knows what it's writing,

or the ball can guess where it's going next.'

Strange thoughts and speculations have been with me. My friends have a ' Alexa ' in their kitchen. All you do is say 'Alexa' and ask a question. She gives an answer. The other day I asked her the collective noun of sparrows and she replied tribe. I told her she was wrong as I wanted quarrel ( which I had temporarily forgotten ) and told her so. She politely thanked me for my 'feedback'!

This led to all sorts of comments. What is truth or right? Most of what I hold as ideas are feedback from the media or via friends or some online or cyberspace machine. I heard that over half a million children are abducted across the world each year. I was horrified. Is it true or just an opinion? Daily I listen to opinion and feedback and argument and even to the 'Alexas ' of this world. What is true? Does it matter?

It matters because in my own experience I have been accused and traduced and not believed yet I know what I know. Then comes the question 'are you sure'? And if someone is determined that what you say is untrue what then? Yes, I have had false memories or differing memories. I recall being amazed when years ago my late brother was describing a family holiday. I had a totally different recall and memory.

Am I sick? Is it real? Yes and no. Whatever I am doing what I want to do in reaction to this moment, this feeling in myself. Do I have to name it? Does that matter? It would if it was to do with a Court Case, an Employment tribunal, a legal matter! Can I ask Alexa?

Truly I do not trust Alexa either. 'They' say that she has an attachment which feeds back information to her headquarters!!! Certainly I was amazed the other day when a friend showed me the power of clandestine surveillance and information gathering. We talked deliberately about the need she had to find a garage to change the tyres on her car and measure their tread depth. Within ten minutes on to her phone came advertisements for garages within ten miles of where we were parked who had the necessary tyre replacements.

What if I asked Alexa how to make a bomb?

Rumi again: 'I called through your door

" The mystics are gathering

in the street. Come out!

" Leave me alone,

I'm sick. "

" I don't care if you're dead!"

Jesus is here, and he wants

to resurrect somebody!"

Do I believe in the Resurrection of the dead? Do I believe in Mystics and their insights? And is belief as strong as knowledge? Alexa was not wrong to say tribe but she could have said quarrel as well? She did not lie but she only gave a minimal answer., not definitive.

If I stay in bed too long I might go mad! But a day with thoughts and a book or two is bliss, especially with a parcel under the bed!