Anxiety and being mindful

Tuesday 30th June, 2020.

For some time now I have been awaiting this day. I did not feel anxious or stressed yet I did not sleep well last night! Subconscious anxiety, no doubt. I had an appointment at the Hospital pre operation assessment department at 9.30am a time I chose as the receptionist had said simply chose any time!!

As ever I was up earlier than necessary, impatient to move on. Half a cup of tea, a piece of soda bread and marmalade.

First miracle the car started without a fuss.

First set back was getting lost on the way taking a cul de sac short cut. Then searching for a car park space...went to three different ones. Found and no charges. A side benefit of Covid19!  Arrived and many staff arriving. Grabbed gel and a face mask asking if they were mandatory. Staff did not wear unless in contact with patients, they are hot and uncomfortable as I discovered. My first time of wearing.

Directed to appropriate area. 6 nurses, 3 receptionists, doctor and various other clerical staff in and out. I was only patient but kept waiting for 45 minutes!

When called nurse put on a mask and I had many tests. Then doctor came to assess. I await results tomorrow of blood, urine and Covid tests. Today blood pressure too high but ok, just! BMI too high but ok, just! ECG fine. I am alive!

Many questions for doctor...isolation meaning exactly what, exercise to be taken how, what to eat, am I dealing with bleeding the right way....he was excellent and sympathetic and gave me mostly answers I had hoped for....now I wait for telephone call tomorrow. Yes or no with the go ahead of the operation.

On the way home I did one naughty thing which remains my secret but made me feel good! I am alive!

My impression is that the number of patients and operations is way down. There are many staff with light loads. Covid fears have changed it drastically since I was there last February for my catheter fitting. This is not a criticism and may be false news or just wrong conclusions. It is my view.

Driving back I noted an incredible decrease in traffic since I went to the City 14 weeks ago. Although shops have opened there were few people walking about, few car parks with more than a handful of vehicles....of course the radio pumped the usual horror or sensationalist media stories...Leicester to locally lock down, economic hit far worse than feared and spike expected to be devastating.

I shall live as fully as I can, will thank the NHS and this Country for having it, I will hope to have the operation and to be good at exercise, food choice and isolation but mainly I will hope that people are not suffering the way I fear they are...poverty, food shortage, health issues and wars across the world.

I am alive: what a privilege, responsibility and joy.