Death and grief

uesday 8th December, 2020

Recently I have heard of the deaths of friends and of the friends of friends. Some of the deaths have been of young people. The other day a man of 27 threw himself off the Tay Road Bridge which I can see from my house. It so happens that this week the BBC is commemorating, if that is the correct word, the lives of over a million people world wide who have died from the Covid virus.

As part of that reflection there is a conversation and questioning session with the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Chief Rabbi. I watched some three minutes of it. Both of them have lost children. The Archbishop's daughter died in a car crash. I think she was five. The Rabbi's daughter died of cancer aged thirty. It was a moving piece. Both noted that grief is unique. One cannot say I know how you feel for each feels his or her own grief. Secondly both agreed that the only help one can give is to be there and also practical help.

As I walked this afternoon I pondered my own griefs. First I noted strangely how I am let to tears by the sights and stories I read of others. The starving and dead child in the arms of his/her Mother. The drowning of a migrant. The shooting of someone in police custody which, as we know, gave rise to BLM.

I grieve still for my parents and for my eldest brother whom I so admired. I say 'I grieve' but in fact I do not think I have ever grieved outwardly or emotionally. The Archbishop noted how it was right to cry but my tears seem more for the idea and the stories of those I have not known than for my own. I am, I think, simply too numbed. Also the Archbishop says how it is important to talk of it. Yes but I prefer silence. Of course I want to talk of my family and brother but not of the loss, just of the wonderful fact of their existence and our friendship and love.

Years ago, it must be over thirty, I recall meeting a woman while walking. She was crying. I stopped and asked if I could help. She simply blurted out ' he would have been 21'. She then told me the story of the non birth. We became friends. She died at 71 last year still grieving yet joyous that she would meet him. Her faith was truly remarkable and had helped her grief.

I have also known of those who went in to non life after a death. My own Mother went to bed and in to isolation after my Father died. She died in that state twelve years later.

Stories which tell us much. Ultimately we have to live life as we can and deal with death and loss as we can. I never judge but I do pray and hope.

#grief #death #remembrance