Dylan Thomas

Saturday 1st May, 2021

Another day of contrasting sun and rain with just a touch of sleet. I walked at 10am to the village to return my library books, dump some bottles in the local recycle bank and then buy the Telegraph. To my delight one was allowed in to the library with the usual precautions and in a one way system but at least one was not left in the cold outdoors with a barrier between oneself and the librarians. They too seemed pleased to be sort of more normal! I picked up two detective novels. Then to the bottle bank to throw in my non alcoholic bramble cordial bottle. Two others were chucking in bottles and I felt guilty as they espied me and probably thought ' there is another alcoholic'. Ridiculous but the imagination is weird and such thoughts come unbidden. Then to the shop and the queue for the newspaper. It costs £3 and as I read it I thought I am paying to read opinion, gossip, speculation and prejudicial views and a party line editorial. The comments on Sturgeon, Bojo Boris and others were trite, speculative and tedious. I went home grumbling and plunged in to the Benedict Option, the book by Drefer outlining the demise of Christianity and the way to look to preserving the truth of it in our world. The book was outlining the remarkable thoughts of Vaclav Havel and Brenda, two major resistance figures against the Russian dictatorial occupation of their Country. ( I thought of Navalny, of the heroes of Myanmar and so many other places and peoples under the jack boots of dictatorships).As I read so I did fear the erosion of religious freedom, of the moral backbone of Western Society being a Christian ethos and thus the demise of any outside Absolute allowing the individual to become the arbiter of right and wrong, the new self appointed god., the idol of libertarian democracy. There is a war between barbarism and civilisation as we knew it.

My head and heart ache as I ponder these things. My faith needs to be fed and secured and I need a deepening of my true humanity. All this is wishful prayer but is also deeply difficult as I am a sinner and dislike pain and self denial. My mind spins.

I walked. I grabbed 90 minutes between showers. I took the litter grabber and took the path over the hills and back through the local private park. Few were out as rain and sleet were expected so for at least an hour I saw only sheep and lambs, birds including a swallow and the odd distant cow. ( Sadly I did not see the six ducklings on the lake and I fear they are eaten). It was good and my mind cleared.

I have returned to read a little poetry and shut down the intellectual until tomorrow. Dylan Thomas's words:

Too proud to die, broken and blind he died

The darkest way, and did not turn away,

A cold kind man brave in his narrow pride

On that darkest day. Oh, forever may

He lie lightly, at last, on the last, crossed

Hill, under the grass, in love, and there grow...

Yes, this inspires me. I hope to be too proud to give up my faith, to deny my attempt to live well, to accept anything but the striving for the best, for God.