Hearts of gold

hursday 27th August 2020

I was shocked yesterday when speaking to an old friend who told me she is frightened of silence. She is 'frightened', and that is the word she used, of being alone. I had noticed that she always has the radio on when by herself in the kitchen. She is unable, it seems, to do 'nothing' as it were, to 'stand and stare' as the poet puts it. Even sitting and reading a book no longer appeals to her as more than an occasional activity. This feeling of needing to be active has come upon her since the death of her partner. She cleans much, potters in the garden, spends time on the computer, has taken up courses of distance learning, cooks much, shops, knits, does crosswords and other mental games, talks on the telephone and sends emails. I almost worry for her because I relish silence and being alone. It is her choice, her way, her humanity and it is not for me to judge but to be available if wanted. Personally I dislike the telephone although love to write letters and find emails a joy for keeping in touch. I dislike background noise. Each to his own, as the pundit noted.

However yesterday I also realised how bereft I would be without face to face meetings with friends. I also realised that without emails and letters I would be lessened as a person. I admire recluses and hermits but there is in my life a time for silence and a time for speaking, a time for being alone and a time for being with others, a time to be active and a time to refrain from activity. We are unique so each of us finds our own rhythm. We may have to face loneliness, we may not wish to live the way we seem to but we are capable of adaptation and of making the best of life. We try to live not just to survive or get through but occasionally that may need to be the case.

Yesterday I went to see a friend I hugely admire. I call him my Indian guru. He hails from India and it was there that he had a conversion, " meeting Jesus" as he calls it. He is not in any way a man who pushes his religion, his belief in an aggressive, proselytising, missionary way but is a wise, thoughtful, compassionate, peace filled well read, deeply spiritual human. He has the great gift of being able to listen, to reflect and to speak only when he has something of worth to say, something of love.

We spoke of morality, of meeting God face to face, of Truth and the difficulties faced by so many in this turbulent time. He spoke of the value of stories and he shared many such with me. I know I can tell him what I feel, what troubles me, what I fear and simply be open and honest as friends should be. He too can tell me. No pretence, no false bonhomie, no dissimulation but simply a heart to heart with a man who has a 'big heart of gold'.

I came away exhausted, renewed and reinvigorated and full of a deep gratitude and love. Without such persons I would be diminished. Fortunately I am blessed with other such friends. How could I not relish silence and aloneness when they are fed by the wisdom and love of such encounters, such relationships? I also believe that in the silence and aloneness one walks with God. He appears less tangible and seems not to answer questions and to be elusive but read the Mystics of all religions and traditions and you will realise how 'he is with you always'. As my guru says 'speak to him'.