Know thyself

St Athanasius of Alexandria. Saturday, 2nd May, 2020

So often I hear myself full of condemnation. I rant and rave against inefficiencies and incompetences as I judge them. I blame others for disasters and mistakes yet knowing that I could do no better and do not know the facts or circumstances of a decision.

Is it a form of scapegoating so that I need not look at myself and my own inadequacies? 

Athanasius wrote that one "cannot put straight in others what is warped in yourself." I am not entirely sure that I agree but I see his point. One needs to be honest and competent before advising others on how to be both.

Yet I have had excellent exemplars and excellent teachers who were not perfect or infallible themselves. One of the best teachers of mathematics for the less gifted in the subject at my school had never passed a maths exam in his life. He knew the difficulties, the tricks, the way to explain simply what appeared to be double Dutch to many of us because he had struggled and knew the pitfalls and appropriate learning aids.

A recovered alcoholic was the most effective person in my battle with booze. When someone says that they know how you feel or that they too have been through the problem then one feels hope, encouragement and enhancement. 

When Athanasius wrote of what is warped in oneself he made me wonder whence comes the flaw, that warping? When he wrote on St Antony of Egypt he opened the world to the dessert Fathers and the eremitical spirituality. He wrote of evil:

“evil then consists essentially in the choice of what is lower in preference to what is higher". 

What is evil?

A choice?

Whence does it come?

One reads of 'forces of evil', one hears of vice, wickedness and immorality and one can find many examples of acts and actions and people described as evil. The holocaust, acts of terrorism, murder, torture and other such by individuals or societies are rightly described as evil. Yet such acts might be held as good by others. A terrorist believes his act is good as it is perpetrated to cause a greater good. Some justified, condoned and even encouraged Concentration Camps as a way of cleansing the world of evil people. Some see terrorists as freedom fighters. Some see a particular murder as necessary  and even good as it rids the world of an evil person or influence. 

Can we define evil in absolute terms? Many religious traditions see it as emanating from a particular personification....Beelzebul, Satan or Lucifer for example. Athanasius seems to see it as a choice of a less good act. We hear of the 'just' war. A lesser evil to knock out a greater. 

Many attempt to justify what others call evil but I am more concerned here to discover the source of wrong doing. Why do people do wrong? With Athanasius I look to it in myself. Why do I do the things I consider wrong and do not do the things I consider right to do? 

Look at this: why do I eat two cream buns when I am not hungry and I believe them to be bad for my heart condition and weight?

Why do I not take exercise when I know it is good for my health?

Why do I blacken the reputation of another or traduce a character or spread malignant gossip and rumour?

Why do I suffer road rage and impatience and find myself being rude and offensive?

Why do I lie, envy and find my self lazy and uncooperative?

More horrifyingly why do I not help the helpless, love more fully, support more openly and effectively the lonely, hungry and the many who cry for help?

Is it a cop out to find excuses? I must take responsibility for myself and my actions or inactions. 

I think I have done good deeds and I know I have done bad deeds. I judge the difference of good and bad by my own moral standards and principles and my belief that love is the yardstick by which to measure a deed. 

So why the bad, the evil?

Is it because I am flawed?

Is it an instinct of self preservation against another, wanting to be 'top dog'?

Is it a force beyond my control merely finding and channelling through my weaknesses?

Is it fear and an attempt to be in charge of all for my own ego, safety, comfort and stability?

We all know the adage for evil to flourish it is for good men to do nothing...so the good in me must combat the evil in me. Then I can 'put straight' others.

So I must know myself, then know the truth. Neither of those are easy to know or to define. Yet I must seek and not desist from trying to choose the higher in all cases.

#athansius #alexandria #topdog