My soul wears a hat

Tuesday 19th January, 2021

I woke to fog. I thought it was the Haar but it was fog. I woke early as the boiler man was expected at 'some time in the morning'. They do not give you more specific times but in these days of pandemic lockdown it is not very relevant. Except he or she could come anytime after 8am. So I was up and ready with a large coffee by 8.15am. He eventually arrived at 11.23am. The boiler is ever playing up even though it is fairly new, thus the guarantee and easy access to help. He was good and told us not to worry. There might be a leak but hard to tell when the system is working hard during the winter. Anyway it was sorted and one feels relieved.

Although the fog did not lift I decided to go for a walk at midday. Pills needed to be picked up at the pharmacy. They are so efficient and helpful. The Medical Centre next door seems more like Fort Knox and many very discouraging notices are plastered over it basically saying stay away. I find that so negative and dispiriting. On the way I posted a parcel and letter, picked up a loaf of bread and tally ho'd with my grabber. I saw a few chums and even an 85 year old lady climbing the hill to the pharmacy to collect pills for her husband. She has had no notification re the vaccine and little help from the Centre. Indeed I thought of her later when I read of Ms Sturgeon's comments that lockdown would be going on until mid February at the earliest. I sometimes feel Sturgeon is covering her own sins by scapegoating through ' this is a dangerous time ' style of leadership rather than a caring compassionate one.

Of course I have been made aware by all media that this is President Trump's last day. Already there is analysis of his years and how he will go down in history. It has been interesting reading and I realise that I have been blinded by the very negative side of his work whereas a few positives should be noted. I do think he has damaged democracy but I do not like the political elite and establishment. They were complacent and arrogant and Trump's election was almost a direct vote against them. I think the same re Brexit and the Brussels EU bureaucracy. I think of China and Russia as being hide bound by the heavy hand of the 'in crowd', but the same is true of the west where money, influence, lobby and the old chums and who you know society holds much sway.

I returned to a letter from a friend whose husband died six weeks ago. She sent me the eulogy written by his sons. A very moving tribute. Sadly few were allowed to the funeral.

Then a few emails and a lovely one containing a poem by Mario de Andrade, 1893-1945, a Brazilian maestro. Entitled ' My Soul has a hat' it is about the remaining years or time that a person has when they realise that more time has passed in their life than they have time before death. It sums up much how I feel:

'I have no time for endless meetings where statutes, rules, procedures and internal regulations are discussed knowing nothing will be done.'

'I no longer have the patience

To stand absurd people who,

despite their chronological age,

have not grown up'

He wants to live next to humans who laugh at their mistakes, are not inflated, take responsibility for their actions. In this way human dignity is defended.

Finally he writes:" We have two lives

and the second begins when you realise you only have one."

Yes, O yes as my dotty eccentric great aunt would say ' for God's sake and your own live, live fully and to hell with anything that gets in the way of living '. May she rest in peace. And as a friend said of my late wonderful brother who died at 57 ' he had three lives in one for he truly lived'. What would be written in the book of life about you or me?