My ways are not your ways

St Maximilian Kolbe.  Friday 14th August, 2020

I am ever aware that one can be hyper sensitive and that that state causes all sorts of heightened sensations even delusions.  Of late I have been having deep doubts about my faith, the faith I derive from the records and stories and history of Jesus Christ and the other writings of the Bible. That faith was given me or passed to me by my Mother. Many I admire do not have that faith.

My problem has been centred on the tensions I feel between the espousal of an all loving, all powerful God and the hell of much suffering on earth. I have talked to my guru on such things and a close mystical friend and they have helped. I am reading a book by Carlo Corretto on the matter.

Perhaps the most powerful influences of late have been of the men about whom I have heard. They, as it were, have sprung out at me from the various readings and listenings and letters I have received. St John of the Cross, Teilhard de Chardin, Charles de Foucauld have been the three until today who have encouraged me in my faith  and trust of the Christian God. I have realised that I am making, possibly, that God in my image and demanding that he adhere to my ideas of love and Christian goodness. Yet I know the saying 'my ways are not your ways, my thoughts are not your thoughts'. But I have challenged that also as a cop out.

However today I have had another blinder of a reminder of faith, it's power, purpose and potential. I was trying to stream a Mass on my iPad but the usual port of call was down. So I went to the Church in Coventry. I arrived late just as the gospel was being read.

Then the priest announced that it was the feast of Maximilian Kolbe. I knew of him and admired him but only had known a small part of his life. Today the priest spoke of his life for ten minutes or so. I was spell bound. It was the most incredible story of faith, of a man who because of his trust and belief in the Father God of Jesus Christ lived a life of utter remarkable goodness, courage, love and awe. He suffered and he was martyred, it was not an easy life. His story as with those of the others has truly reinforced my own faith. I will even say that if their faith was an illusion it was an illusion which had live enhancing, life giving qualities. It is an illusion I wish to have also, but in fact I believe their faith, their lives to be true, wholesome and of integrity and authenticity. By their deeds you shall know them.

As my Mother passed on her faith to me and as various individuals and friends in my life have done the same so too now have these saints. As St Paul noted we will not hear of Jesus unless some one preaches him. Well, I have heard the sermon again and it is good.