Swirling thoughts...

Monday 23rd November, 2020.

A very quiet hunkered down day. I managed to write and post three letters. I felt I ought to go for a walk but curtailed it and simply dropped in to the library. Rather I preferred to ponder a great epistle, a tome from a deeply spiritual friend. I am trying slowly and sporadically to answer it. He raises so many questions and suggests many insights but comes to one simple conclusion. That conclusion is fundamentally to believe the faith we have and to live with it accepting the paradoxes, contradictions and the apparently incredible as we trust our instincts and tradition. This is not to accept the inane or callous or superstitious. He believes our hearts will tell us if we live unjust, unloving or even dishonest lives. We are not suspending our humanity in accepting but suspending our arrogance and allowing the heart to dictate but not to dominate. He trusts his conscience, he trusts his definition of love however inadequate and he trusts himself to try to live a full good life. He trusts himself to know and to reject the wrong.

How I envy the control of the swirling thoughts and niggles. I will not stop hounding what I believe should be hounded but I will try to stop the rage and judgementalism. It is pointless to lose control. It is pointless to be an empty vessel making much noise. The point is to target and to be true to oneself. I love that prophecy of Isaiah ' and there will be no more hurt on all my holy mountain'. Sadly we hurt others as we rage and we hurt ourselves. Kindness and gentleness are virtues needed by us all.

I have indulged a little today also. I have made soda bread with some sour milk from the fridge. I have eaten perfectly ripe Camembert. I am about to bake more apples and add the secret ingredients of sugar, butter, raisins and add either cream, yogurt or ice cream. I am being kind to myself!

I also have sat and pondered Rumi. The insights of Mystics are our insights also. When words resonate in to the bowels of one's heart then one knows a sublime moment of truth. Knowing that small moment of truth is the pearl of great price, is the handing down of wisdom, is the fairy tale coming to fruition. It is the presence of God.